How NOT to Apply for a Job

This week I have started soliciting for a potential new Web Designer / Graphic Designer for my business. The resumes and portfolios are pouring in and some of them are pretty interesting. What is most interesting, is just how bad most people are at applying for a job (at least some of the people that have submitted applications so far).

Here are some REAL excerpts from some of the applicants…

With the economy going down, trusting a person with less experiance in the business industry is risky. That point of view, I understand but at the same time from me to that perspective, it’s bull shit.

– Seriously? You are really going to use profanity in a job application e-mail. Are you going to talk to my clients like that? I mean I have been known to drop my share of nasty words when required, but to a new company where you are requesting a job in an introduction e-mail? Seriously? Not to mention that this guy had some soft porn in his portfolio – probably not the best examples to send to a company who likes to use words like “integrity, character, and professionalism.”

Some simple rules we can take from this submission…

RULE #1 – Using profanity in a job application e-mail is a surefire way NOT get the job.

RULE #2 – While I am sure your buddies are impressed you did a porn site, most upstanding design firms are not.

In response to your online advertisement, please consider this letter as application for the vacant position of Web Designer / Graphic Designer.

With an eye for design and attention to detail, this self-starter works to balance intense creativity while many times juggling multiple projects. My past experience as a Graphic Designer for multiple publications helped me focus on tight deadlines, as I met and surpassed employer/customer expectations with speed and accuracy.

– Who talks like this? Did you copy it out of a manual or something? Are you selling a house or yourself? Who uses a line like “this self-starter works to balance…” – sounds to much like “This 4 bedroom, 3 bath home is located on a spiraling estate…” This is probably the opposite extreme from the guy above – a little too fake and packaged sounding for a design firm.

RULE #3 – Copying your resume and introduction text from a manual for how to sound like a robot is another great way to NOT get a ob.

And one more hot tip for designers looking for jobs – make your resume look as dull and boring as possible. This shows a great sense of creativity and expression. [Sarcasm included at no extra charge.]

With that said, I have had a few decent applicants and interested to see how it works out. Ultimately, I am thankful to be busy enough to be considering bringing in more people and not sending people away.

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